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What if he gets you pregnant?”I considered my husband’s words carefully. Would I carry Rodney’s child to term? Would I have his baby? In truth, I had thought about this a lot. The idea sounds absolutely mental, but when I’m with him I feel special, safe and protected. I’m not in love with him in any traditional sense of the word; it’s an entirely different type of affection. This is why when I’m with him, I have often asked for him to cum inside me. It’s not because I didn’t think of the risks or consequences, but because in that moment, all I want is him. All of him. And I would take it with all the risks and consequences. If Rodney impregnated me, I honestly don’t know what I would do, whether I would keep the child or not. It’s not clear-cut, not even to me.I told my husband my thoughts on this to which he replied, “What about our families? How would they react, especially your folks, at us raising a child that quite clearly wouldn’t be mine and won’t look a thing like me.”“I. And at the same time move on, move on to concentrate on our new partners, our new families. Their needs, what they can give us, the happiness they can give us, we can give them.”I felt a few isolated tears starting in the corners of my eyes. I knew he was right, but still, such a big part of me didn’t want to let go of him, to recognize that this man I still loved now belonged to another. Part of me wanted to hate her, but however much I sometimes intentionally tried, I couldn’t bring myself to hate her. I’d been the one who’d been greedy beyond measure. Like some ancient Elizabeth Taylor Cleopatra-type character, demanding the love and devotion of all the men around me, never mind the unfairness of me being the sole greedy sun at the center of the little world we’d built. It had felt so damned good – Dave, Chris, Malcolm, Callan – until it had all exploded like some unstable supernova.Closing my eyes for a moment to slow the tears, I opened them to return Dave’s look, a deep sigh.
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